There never was an actual, concrete diagnosis, but it was made fairly clear from the doctor that she has some form of dementia. Since that prognosis, the past year has been a blur with getting her affairs in order so that I can oversee her care. Perhaps if I share her story, your journey can be less confusing as you begin the process of what to do first. Here is my recommendation for the first three things you need to do for a parent preferably before anything mentally or physically happens to them:
- Obtain power of attorney (POA) both for property and health
- Obtain power of attorney (POA) both for property and health
- Obtain power of attorney (POA) both for property and health
Did I mention to obtain POAs? When the family began to notice small peculiarities, we suggested she go to a lawyer to have both a POA and a will written up. She insisted she was fine, and truthfully, we didn't know what was going on with her. We would agree with her that she was fine and that was why she should do this now. We gave her scenarios of what ifs. What if you fell and hit your head and went into a coma? What if you needed surgery and had complications with anesthesia? What if, what if what if? We wanted her to know this paperwork was not to see how her property was divided between the family, but to protect her by allowing us to make decisions for her and not the government. I think it was the threat of the government overseeing her care that convinced her to make her decision.
Eventually she went to a lawyer and had papers drafted up, but never finalized. Long story short, a year passed and by that time she had moved into an assisted living facility. We finally convinced her to go to the lawyer and all of us went together. While the lawyer was hesitant as to her cognitive ability to understand what she would be signing, I suggested he make that decision when we came in.
It was a good day on the day of our appointment, Mom understood everything. Being it was paperwork that she herself had written up the year prior, and that it was my brother and me who were to be the power of attorneys, the lawyer agreed it would be okay for her to sign.
We were fortunate. Six months later and it would have been an entirely different ball game; most likely going to court for legal guardianship. Because we now had POAs for both property and health, we could make decisions, pay her bills, talk to doctors. Without it, we could have done nothing.
So here I am, three years later from that first conversation with my brother and anxious to share what we have faced so far. I realize this is only the beginning, and the difficult journey of watching her slowly recede into the abyss of her mind is just starting. But, for now, life is good. She laughs, she knows us, she is healthy and happy. Most importantly, she is safe.
