When do you know it's time for your loved one to move into a facility? And what type of facility do you choose?
Living a few hours away from my mother and only visiting every few months, it was difficult to ascertain at first, but here are the 8 categories I have determined to view: Diet, Medication, Falling Risk, Socialization, Sleep, Finances, Safety, Wander Risk.
1. Diet - Are they eating properly? My mother was always thin, but when she lost her upper dentures and wouldn't go get new ones, she had lost a lot of weight. What she was eating was also questionable. It was either take out or anything microwaved. Nothing of good quality.
2. Medication - If your loved one takes medication, it is important to be taken as directed. When visiting, I would find pills on the floor, in the shower caddy, on the kitchen counter. Because she wasn't taking them as directed if at all, it caused a lot of confusion to the point that sometimes she wouldn't know if it was 8 in the morning or 8 at night when I called.
3. Falling Risk - Do they have balance issues and are at risk of falling? Accidents happen and you can't think just because someone falls that there is an immediate danger. But have they fallen several times? What is causing them to fall? Clutter? Declining eyesight? Dizziness? My mother had been sitting on a stool doing the dishes and forgot her feet were behind the rungs of the chair so when she went to move, she fell straight out of the chair.
4. Socialization - Not everyone is a social butterfly. But everyone does need some sort of stimuli. Is your family member getting outside for fresh air and exercise? Or have they isolated themselves indoors and come up with reasons of why they're just fine staying indoors 24/7.
5. Sleep - Do you notice that your loved one isn't getting enough sleep? Too much sleep? Strange sleep habits? For me, it was realizing my mother was sleeping on the couch for a nap. And then using it as her bed at night. And eventually sleeping constantly. Between her lack of medications, depression or a combination of both, I realized all she was doing was sleeping all the time. To the point she was even having accidents on the couch. This was something I knew my mother would never have done before.
6. Finances - Are their finances in order? I didn't find out until it was almost too late that she hadn't been paying any of her bills and already had debt collectors starting to send notices.
7. Safety - Is it safe for them to operate the stove? My brother and I didn't have a definitive answer of what was happening with Mom, but felt there could be a fire risk should she forget to shut off a burner.
8. Wander Risk - Has the confusion become so great that you are fearful should they go out of the house for a walk they might not find their way home?
Living a few hours away from my mother and only visiting every few months, it was difficult to ascertain at first, but here are the 8 categories I have determined to view: Diet, Medication, Falling Risk, Socialization, Sleep, Finances, Safety, Wander Risk.
1. Diet - Are they eating properly? My mother was always thin, but when she lost her upper dentures and wouldn't go get new ones, she had lost a lot of weight. What she was eating was also questionable. It was either take out or anything microwaved. Nothing of good quality.
2. Medication - If your loved one takes medication, it is important to be taken as directed. When visiting, I would find pills on the floor, in the shower caddy, on the kitchen counter. Because she wasn't taking them as directed if at all, it caused a lot of confusion to the point that sometimes she wouldn't know if it was 8 in the morning or 8 at night when I called.
3. Falling Risk - Do they have balance issues and are at risk of falling? Accidents happen and you can't think just because someone falls that there is an immediate danger. But have they fallen several times? What is causing them to fall? Clutter? Declining eyesight? Dizziness? My mother had been sitting on a stool doing the dishes and forgot her feet were behind the rungs of the chair so when she went to move, she fell straight out of the chair.
4. Socialization - Not everyone is a social butterfly. But everyone does need some sort of stimuli. Is your family member getting outside for fresh air and exercise? Or have they isolated themselves indoors and come up with reasons of why they're just fine staying indoors 24/7.
5. Sleep - Do you notice that your loved one isn't getting enough sleep? Too much sleep? Strange sleep habits? For me, it was realizing my mother was sleeping on the couch for a nap. And then using it as her bed at night. And eventually sleeping constantly. Between her lack of medications, depression or a combination of both, I realized all she was doing was sleeping all the time. To the point she was even having accidents on the couch. This was something I knew my mother would never have done before.
6. Finances - Are their finances in order? I didn't find out until it was almost too late that she hadn't been paying any of her bills and already had debt collectors starting to send notices.
7. Safety - Is it safe for them to operate the stove? My brother and I didn't have a definitive answer of what was happening with Mom, but felt there could be a fire risk should she forget to shut off a burner.
8. Wander Risk - Has the confusion become so great that you are fearful should they go out of the house for a walk they might not find their way home?
Once you realize that their general welfare is no longer able to be maintained, it is time to determine how their needs can be met. Everyone's needs are different depending on if the person with memory issues is a spouse or a parent. Whether you're working and don't have the luxury of staying home to care for them or if you're retired and can't physically care for them any longer.
It comes down to can you care for your family member yourself, can you afford to hire someone to come to your home or do you find a facility for them to live in? For the latter choice, what facility works for your loved one's needs?
I have found it falls into 3 categories: Assisted Living, Memory Care, or Nursing Home. This can be tricky. Assisted Living can be perfect and many take Medicaid, but if your Mom is a wander risk, this won't work. Memory Care is awesome, but few if any take Medicaid. Most are private pay. And if your parent is still fairly young, you may not be able to afford 20 years at that type of facility. Nursing Homes also take Medicaid, but if your family member isn't in a wheel chair and is a wander risk, that type of facility still doesn't fit your needs.
Don't despair. While you don't want to make a rash decision, just do the best you can for the present moment. If there's one thing I learned in the past two years, I only worry about what is in my control. My mother started at an Assisted Living facility. When she allegedly struck a health care worker and then not long after was found by a police officer in the middle of a divided highway, it was a no brainer to realize this community was no longer a good fit.
Next stop was Memory Care. We found one place that supposedly would take a certain percentage of residents to be covered by Medicaid, but had to wait until there was an opening. Since we didn't have a choice, we found a lovely private pay facility about 30 miles from her hometown. Eventually the other place had an opening about three months later and she made her third move into her now present facility.
Will this present facility honor the Medicaid promise for us when that time comes? I can only hope they do. But that is not in my control. And my mother is too mobile for a nursing home at this point. So we wait and see. And pray.
Do your best. Do your homework. And learn what is in your control. Take each day as it comes. And breathe.
It comes down to can you care for your family member yourself, can you afford to hire someone to come to your home or do you find a facility for them to live in? For the latter choice, what facility works for your loved one's needs?
I have found it falls into 3 categories: Assisted Living, Memory Care, or Nursing Home. This can be tricky. Assisted Living can be perfect and many take Medicaid, but if your Mom is a wander risk, this won't work. Memory Care is awesome, but few if any take Medicaid. Most are private pay. And if your parent is still fairly young, you may not be able to afford 20 years at that type of facility. Nursing Homes also take Medicaid, but if your family member isn't in a wheel chair and is a wander risk, that type of facility still doesn't fit your needs.
Don't despair. While you don't want to make a rash decision, just do the best you can for the present moment. If there's one thing I learned in the past two years, I only worry about what is in my control. My mother started at an Assisted Living facility. When she allegedly struck a health care worker and then not long after was found by a police officer in the middle of a divided highway, it was a no brainer to realize this community was no longer a good fit.
Next stop was Memory Care. We found one place that supposedly would take a certain percentage of residents to be covered by Medicaid, but had to wait until there was an opening. Since we didn't have a choice, we found a lovely private pay facility about 30 miles from her hometown. Eventually the other place had an opening about three months later and she made her third move into her now present facility.
Will this present facility honor the Medicaid promise for us when that time comes? I can only hope they do. But that is not in my control. And my mother is too mobile for a nursing home at this point. So we wait and see. And pray.
Do your best. Do your homework. And learn what is in your control. Take each day as it comes. And breathe.
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