Reality

My goal was to help others navigate through all of the confusion when it comes to making decisions for their loved ones. Here's the reality. That's what I want someone to do for me. Just take my hand and walk me through this mess.

So instead of guiding others, I am turning this into a journal. A virtual therapy to keep me from screaming into my pillow at night.

Where are we currently? Limbo. Until the money runs out, there is not much more to do. The car has been sold and the house emptied of a lifetime of memories. After months of back breaking labor, we finally got her property into sellable condition. While thankful it finally sold, it was sad to walk out the door for the final time.

Unfortunately, this may have been my first mistake. By selling the house, I may lose her VA benefits that we worked so diligently to receive. On paper, it appears she has too much money for benefits. In reality, if they cut off her funding, her current assets will only last two years. To say I had a slight breakdown is an understatement. I sobbed so intensely and uncontrollably and lost all hope. Over time I have come to an, "it is what it is" mentality and now wait each day for their final decision.

Luckily I have a spouse who keeps me sane and keeps great financial records in preparation for the time we will have to apply for Medicaid.

For now I am trying to hold on with weekly calls to my mom and visit as often as I can. The guilt of being so far away gnaws at me, but I know she is happy and well cared for; and that is what I cling to for now.

Mom with her son-in-law; celebrating her birthday. This is their "normal" personalities showing.